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| Hehe, Speaking of being EVIL! |
| 05.22.04 (5:54 pm) [edit] |
I can not believe how much more brazen I am getting as I get older.
I have been sitting here all day minding my own business when I start hearing this crappy crappy crappy music blaring. ('Barbie Girl' by Aqua...that should be all the explaining necessary) The same cd over and over.
It was just awful!! If you are going to turn your radio full volume, at least play something decent for christ sakes!!
So, what did I do?? I walked over there....screamed about 5 times for them to turn it down. NOTHING.
Then,I called the police. I honestly have never called the police about ANYTHING in my whole life...but damn...I just cracked under the stress of listening to such sucky music! I couldn't take it anymore.
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| I've come to wish you an Un-Happy Birthday! |
| 05.22.04 (3:33 pm) [edit] |
Nothing like a some SMITHS music to get your point across, eh??
It's my 'friend' Wendis' birthday today. (The one that I had the lovely conversation with a while back.) Guess who didn't get a birthday card from me this year??
I am evil. :twisted:
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| What's so funny?! |
| 05.18.04 (10:23 pm) [edit] |
Am I the only one that has inner dialogs with themselves in public that cracks yourself up??
I often wonder why I can't just be normal. Normal people don't walk down the street with a stupid ass grin on their face because they are thinking about a goofy commerical they saw a week ago...do they???
I am constantly doing things like that.
A few examples, you ask??
I will be somewhere...a complete strangers cellphone will ring. The person will answer their phone. "Hello?"
Nothing funny there, right?? Well..if you were me, a 'Seinfeld' episode that revolved around the word 'HELLLOOOO' may come to mind and put a dumb ass smile on your face, or it may even make you laugh aloud. Making the people around you think that maybe they should not stand too close in fear of being confronted by some nutjob that escaped from the local asylum.
Or you may be at work, listening to some woman talking about potty training her child, when a past conversation with a friend that includes the phrase 'Pretty in her Potty' pops into your otherwise uninterested brain. I dare you not to laugh if you are somewhere in public and the phrase 'Pretty in her potty' comes to mind. It's impossible.
Or let's say...out of the blue, you get a text message from this same friend, and all it says is 'I sleep in a drawer!" What are you supposed to do then?? You will giggle, that is what you would do.
One other thing that I tend to do a lot (and let me explain first that I work by myself a great deal of the time..no one else around) is finish passerbys sentences. I will be in the store doing whatever...a group of people will walk by. I hear part of a sentence...'so and so was so mad...' to which I reply to no one but myself 'oh I bet they were..I would be too, if that jackass pulled that shit with me!!' And of course..afterwards I sit there all happy because I am so easily amused. It makes the day go by so much quicker.
I worry about my mental health sometimes. :P
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| After much trepidation... |
| 05.08.04 (6:21 pm) [edit] |
...we went and got a little kitten at the SPCA today. We named her 'Meg'. We really really wanted to get her little gray brother too, but someone had already adopted him. They were having what they call a 'Adopt-A-Thon' this weekend, so it was really busy....but I noticed the people that were adopting Megs brother. A family with about 5 kids. I was just sitting there..my blood boiling...I was SOOOO seriously close to asking them to find another cat..I didn't want them separated and in my mind (I hate to say it) I kinda felt they didn't deserve the cat. They already have kids...did they really need to take the kitty I wanted too??
Before we went, I stopped and bought some kitty food and toys to donate while we were there. I wish I could do more though.
It's sooooo friggin' odd having a cat in the house again. Calli had been so 'mellow' for so long..and now this little HELLION is on the loose here...it's an eye opener.
I have to also admit that the fact that she was a black kitty made me hesitate even a bit more. I wasn't sure if I would be able to handle a kitty that had so many similarities to Calli, but the way that she just made herself right at home, right off the bat, put a rest to any of those fears. She made me feel like she KNEW she belonged here somehow.
Before we went, I don't think Dan was too keen on getting another kitty, but, Damn!! He has seriously been all smiles since we got her home. He said he was going to pick up a few groceries after we got her home...he came back home with a big fuzzy bed for her & a stuffed pig that makes noises for her to sleep with too. He cracks me up. So far though, she much prefers to sleep in an old cotton 'bucket' type hat that I had lying around.
It's amazing how quickly she warmed up to us. She starts crying if we aren't paying attention to her..just like Calli did. :D I LOVE kitties that need that much attention. It's great! She is a little 'purr' machine too!!!
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| A Glimmer of Hope??? |
| 05.05.04 (6:58 pm) [edit] |
I have been doing some thinking since my lovely conversation with my 'friend' the other day. It may have made me feel like ass, but it has also brought to my attention what a kick-ass hubby I have. Not many people can say that they rarely ever fight with their spouse....I can. I think the biggest fight we have had in the past few years is about Dan not taking off his shoes when he gets home from work or is just doing stuff around the house...and putting 'shoeprints' in the carpet. (For those of you who don't know or haven't guessed..I am a little obsessive about carpeting..oh oh oh..and btw, I got a new vacuum today!!!!) For at least 4 years now, this has been the only topic that keeps coming up over and over. (Oh, ok, there was a while where we kept fighting about who Calli loved more, but there was really no contest there.)
We have definitely had our rough patches (Let's say...'01-present) but even with everything we have been through we don't really 'fight' about any of it. The fact that we probably won't have a biological child of our own is more or less beyond our control now, and I think we have accepted that. Life will go on.
I also think that the biggest proponent of us keeping our sanity the past few years, is the fact that we crack eachother up..there is no other way to put it. Now, of couse Dan won't admit how funny I am, but I constantly hear him repeating things I have said to his friends...so I KNOW. Sometimes I think we should have our own show on Comedy Central....a cross between 'Chappelle Show', 'Beavis & Butthead' and 'Insomniac'. I think we both get the biggest kick out of just annoying the other to a breaking point. I mean what is more fun that seeing your beloved about to flip out because you are standing 10 feet away from them with your cell phone, text messaging them every 30 seconds while they are trying to talk to someone on the phone?? That's entertainment!!
The most important thing I have learned is that you just can't take yourself too fucking seriously. Yeah, life can suck sometimes and of course you are entitled to your 'I'm pissed off at the world' phases..but no one wants to live like that. I will be honest, I have been in Pity Party Mode for quite some time now, but for today at least, SCREW IT! Life is too short. A lot of people I know (and you know who you are ;) ) have finally fallen into a long awaited HAPPY period and I am just going to focus on being happy for them. There are others that I know (and you know who are you are too) that are still struggling with things ttc and non-ttc related. For you (and me) I will just continue to hope that things finally turn around. It's fucking bound to happen eventually!!!!!
SIDENOTE: The Moods and Attitudes talked about in the above Blog are subject to change at any time! hehe
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| With friends like these... |
| 05.03.04 (7:33 pm) [edit] |
I have this friend, Wendi. We were best friends growing up. (Yes...there are still people that I grew up with that I keep in touch with.) I don't talk to her that often but I did talk to her today. Boy was THAT a mistake. Let me explain. Usually, Wendi is a very up-beat, goofy girl....I hadn't talked to her in a while and was feeling kinda like I needed to hear a little goofiness. So I called her.
One of the first things she asks, is if I have talked to our other friend, Vicki. Right away, I know why she is asking this. Vicki just had a baby like 2 weeks ago and wanted to know if I had heard the news. Yes, I am a horrible friend and haven't called Vicki to congratulate her on her new arrival, but I think that me and Vicki have an unspoken agreement....we exchange polite emails once in a while, just to see what the other is up to, but we don't really CALL eachother anymore. I think she may feel a bit guilty because she announced her first pregnancy the same month I had my first miscarriage...she wasn't trying, and I was. She has now had her second baby, while I am still in TTC mode. I love Vicki to death and I am happy for her..but I think it's just easier for both of us if we don't get into the whole topic. (Ok, I am getting a little off topic here)
After me and Wendi talked a little about Vicki and how she was doing...Wendi brought up the fact that we hadn't talked since I lost my Calliope. (Sidenote: for some reason whenever I say 'My Calliope'...in my head it always is to the tune of Bobby Browns 'My Perogative'...just thought you would like to know) I told her that we had bought a condo and it was really quiet and hard to come home without Calli there. Her reaction???...and I quote "Yeah..that has to be rough, you have NOTHING now."
WHAT WHAT??? I didn't know I needed to be reminded that I don't have any friends or family here...I don't have any kids...and now I don't have my kitty either. Holy shit...it felt like I had been hit with a Mac Truck. I know she didn't mean anything by it, and she probably didn't realize what it even sounded like to hear...but god damn!
Needless to say, the conversation was cut short.
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| Screw you April..and the horse you rode in on!!! |
| 04.30.04 (10:32 am) [edit] |
Thank God April is almost over!! That month sure blew!! Ok..March sucked bad too. I have the feeling that at the end of the year I will be saying that about the coming months too. Who knows.
So, we went up to San Francisco yesterday. We didn't get there until about 3:00pm. The weather couldn't have been nicer. In the 70's with a seabreeze. Perfect for just walking around. We first went to Pier 39. Looked through all the stores. I was so pissed to see that the "Kitty City' store was gone. (DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT) But we kept making the rounds. Went and got our usual mini-donuts at 'Trishs' then found a little specialty coffee/tea place and bought some Lemon/Ginger Tea and some 'Buzz' coffee (Twice the caffeine) :shock: If you have never been to San Francisco, beware: there are guys that walk around down on the embarcadero that come up to you and start talking like they are police officers and act like you have done something wrong. They are really just trying to raise money for charities by handing out stickers and then making you pay for them..fun fun. So, yesterday we were waiting on a traffic light to cross the street and one of these guys came up to Dan and asked what he was doing with an 'underage' girl. (hahaha yeah right) He gave him a I HEART SF sticker and then gave me a SMILE sticker. We gave him a few bucks then moved on. We decide to just have dinner at 'HARD ROCK' so we head there. We pass a GAP and decide to drop in there before dinner. What do I see first thing?????? A little bright green canvas purse! It was calling to me! It's SOOO cute! I had to have it! (BTW, if you haven't figured it out yet..I am a sucker for almost anything green) We preceed to have dinner at HRC..The food could've been better but the Long Island (that I got carded for) kicked ass!! I just enjoy making fun of the videos playing. David Lee Roth! *giggle*
After that, we head home. We get home...sit around for a little bit..watch ER. A cat food commercial comes on and I preceed to start bawling hysterically. It's been over a month now since Calli has been gone and I am still periodically freaking out. It hits at the oddest times. Poor Dan. He doesn't know what the hell to do with me. This was the conversation:
D: Lets go get another cat..apparently, that is what you need.
T: NO!!!!! I want Calli!!!
D: We are all moved in now..we can get another cat anytime. Do you want to go look at the shelters?
T: NO!! I don't want another damn cat...I want Calli!
D: Be realistic here.
T: You just don't understand! (sniff sniff)
D: I am gonna go make some coffee..do you want some?
T: :?
I feel so bad for the poor guy. I know I am not being logical but what can ya do?
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| Dr. Phil is right |
| 04.27.04 (12:58 pm) [edit] |
Back when Dr. Phil was on Oprah, I remember him saying something to the effect of: In everyones lives, you will have something like 7 people say something to you that will in one way or another shape your life. Here is the story of one such thing:
I have three older brothers..yep, the youngest and the only girl. So, you would expect that I would be the coddled and protected one in the family, right? It's actually been quite the opposite.
I remember, back in 1990 when my parents got divored (I won't go into that whole messy messy story)...then my brother got divorced..then my grandmother died....I overheard a coversation between my Aunt and my Mom. They were discussing everything that had been going on and the toll it had taken on everyone in the family. I quite clearly recall hearing my Aunt telling my mom to worry about my brothers, but that "Tiffanni would be ok. She is strong and can deal with it." At the time, I was thinking to myself "Hell yeah..damn straight!!" But looking back, I am not sure what to think about it. There are times when I still think that yeah..between me and my brothers, I have always been the one that never got in trouble, never created any huge waves....but I think it may have also given people the impression that I never need help or have problems of my own. Yeah yeah...I have a good head on my shoulders but does that mean that I am a friggin' robot?
I just find it sad that the only person in my family that has ever really 'talked' to me at all about all the difficulties me and Dan have been going through the past three years has been my sister in law. I don't think anyone else has even acknowledged that we even HAD a problem.
This may be straying off topic a bit but, my brother Don is now getting his second divorce...Mike...2 divorces...Kirk, only one. I may be a bitch for saying this but each of these divorces was brought on by some major act of stupidity and could have been avoided. These are the things that get the attention...while here I am, no divorces..but 2 miscarriages and subsequent infertility and just general bad luck in lifes major arenas...nothing that I had control over, but apparently none of these things even deserve mentioning. What the fuck is that all about?? So..apparently, if you are just an ignorant jackass that bring drama upon drama upon yourself, you deserve sympathy and attention...but if you are just dealt one blow after another through no actions of your own, you are SOL??
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| Calgon, take me away!!!! |
| 04.24.04 (9:56 am) [edit] |
So, I am sitting here in our new condo, knee-deep in boxes! Now, I am usually Miss Anal Retentive when it comes to moving. I tend to have everything moved and unpacked the same day. Unfortunately, our bad karma has eased its way into the moving arena.
Wednesday, we couldn't move because the money from the loan company wasn't wired to the seller.
Thursday, we THOUGHT we weren't going to be able to move either..the money got wired but the transaction hadn't been recorded. But thanks to our super-hero like Realtor, Helga making a few calls...it got recorded. The problem then you ask?? The god damn cable company. "We will be there between 12-5.: they say. I had to work so Dan literally had to just sit in this empty place all day waiting. 5:00 rolls around and he was still a no show. Finally the guy showed and was outta there by 6. I also got off work at 6 and we all met Helga back at our old place. She showed up with a bottle of Champagne some lovely Champagne Flutes. (Among other house warming gifts..she rules BTW!) Me and Helga preceed to have 3 glasses of champagne in like 15 minutes. Boy..it sure tasted good after this past week.
Finally a few more people show up to help with the move. YEAH!!! Quickly, we run into yet another problem. Our stupid ass couch will NOT fit in the condo! Try as they might, the fucker is just not gonna budge! We have the gouged out walls to prove it. :x The only solution we have come up with is to give it to Salvation Army for a tax credit. Better than nothing, I guess. Our help are really only there to help us with the big stuff...so soon they leave and me and Dan are on our own to start with all the piddly crap. We get as much done that evening as we can.
Friday...once again, Dan is waiting around again, this time for SBC..those bastards! So, you guessed it, I had to work Friday and then come home to have to start moving yet more stuff. It's amazing how much you accumulate over the years.
Today, I woke up sore and umm....sore! My calves are killing me...if I am lifting with my arms, how do my legs hurt??
I have found that the worst part of this move has been finding one little reminder of Calli after another. It's so hard to move without my little munkin!
So, now onto the business of my last drs. appt. The dr. came in and told us over and over how floored he was by these test results. My FSH level turned out to be 138.3!! Damn! Anyway, he put me on Premarin then Premarin/Prometrium for three months...and then we will redo the b/w. If it is still the same, check again in 6 months. But after a year, if it's the same...I am more or less proven to be in menopause. The meds are more or less to just take care of the menopause-like symptoms I have been having. Hot Flashes among other things. Oh boy...those sure are a treat!
:shock:
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| D-Day! |
| 04.21.04 (9:36 am) [edit] |
So, It's April 21st. D-day! Let me explain. Last week, I went in for cd3 b/w. Thursday morning I got a call from the nurse in the drs office asking if I could come in that afternoon. My bloodwork had come back and she said the dr. would want to talk to me about the results. As if I wasn't freaking out enough about the results. I had to work that day, so I couldn't make it in, but made an appt. for today to talk to the dr about the results. I knew I couldn't stand going through almost a whole week without knowing what the problem was so I asked the nurse (thinking she would say she wasn't allowed to give me any info. over the phone...but she surprised me) She said that 3 out of the 5 hormones that they checked were way out of wack. So.. I got up the nerve and asked her if she could tell me the FSH number. (Pause) "It came back at over 100." :shock: Damn..I was expecting it to be kind of a sucky number but didn't expect THAT!! She said 'Your LH and E2 were way out of wack too, but your prolactin and TSH came back normal.' This news would be bad enough in itself but with all of the crazy cycles I have had lately, even worse. In my mind at least. I seriously just don't know what to expect from this appt. Could I have been in a downward spiral in this direction for years, with about a million drs. appointments and this is just coming up NOW?? On one hand, I say that that is not probable, since I had these tests run a few years ago. On the other hand, I have had the fucking craziest~ass cycles known to man for the past 5 years and no one has ever explained why. Once again, let me explain. Me and Dan lived in Texas for a few years and while there, I started getting these periods (TMI Alert! TMI Alert!) that would be so friggin heavy that I would be going through a box of tampons AND pads a day. A DAY! I had a seven minute drive to work and I couldn't even get half way there without ruining whatever clothes I was wearing. Bad right?? Well, that's not the worst part. This went on for a god-damn month! And it only stopped then because I finally made a drs appt. and was put on BCP's to make it stop. I am telling you, you don't know what stress is until something like that happens to you. Physically I felt ok...but when you aren't able to literally leave the house because you might have an 'accident' is mentally exhausting. For the past 5/6 years, I have had at least one of these episodes a year. What makes them even more fun is the fact that when they happen, I have no warning. I am usually plagued but cramps from hell, but when this happens....NOTHING, Nada! Just Niagra Falls...out of nowhere! What a lucky girl I am!
So, there is one more reason, that I said it is D-Day! We are finally moving into our new condo today. I hate moving! It's exciting and a pain in the ass at the same time. The good thing is that is it only a few blocks from where we are living now, so there isn't much of a drive or anything! Bonus! The other good news about this place is that is has 2 pools! 2!!! and a hottub! (I won't use the hot tub though...the idea of community hot tubs doesn't sit well with me. I don't really fully appreciate the idea of sitting in a tempid pool of other peoples filth!)
Anyway..wish us luck today!
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| Why I hate people.... |
| 04.12.04 (8:45 pm) [edit] |
RUDENESS, plain and simple.
These are answers I have actually had to give:
Yes, I am short.
Yes, I have a lot of hair.
Yes, this is my REAL hair. (nice, huh, bitch? you jealous?)
No, I don't have any kids. (I just LOVE the look you get after answering this one. You can tell people are thinking: WHY?? You look like you are old enough...why in the world wouldn't you have any kids by now? I see a ring on your finger so I know you are married." Even worse is when I get pissed off enough to actually tell them that I have had 2 miscarriages and have been trying to have a kid for 3 years..stupidly thinking this will shut them up. Nope. "It will happen...just relax" Ok thanks..now I get it. Thanks for enlightening me.)
I will NEVER understand why complete strangers feel the need to ask such personal questions or make such dumb ass comments. Even if you are wondering such things..what compels a person to actually think that they have any right to ask a complete stranger these things?
The worst part of it is that most of it happens when I am at work, so I can't be a TOTAL bitch about it. As much as I would like to be. I also know that most people don't mean anything by it...but it's just god damn common sense. Do what I do. If someone or something catches your eye...draw your own conclusion. Make up an interesting story about them. It's more fun anyway.
I think Mitch Hedberg explained it best with the following:
" It is very dangerous to wave to people you don't know, because what if they don't have a hand? They'll think you're cocky. "Look what I got motherfucker, this thing is useful...I'm gonna go pick something up"
Think about it.
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| Music. Past Present and Future. My humble opinions. |
| 04.05.04 (9:03 pm) [edit] |
So, between it being the 10th anniversary of Kurt Cobains death and OliviaDrabs post the other day (http://oliviadrab.tblog.com/ )got me thinking about what I have been listening to lately and the state of music today. Before you read any further, be warned that I have typically never been one to listen to 'mainstream radio' and I am now 31 and I think my age is finally showing.
When you grow up you kind of tend to HAVE to listen to what your parents and/or siblings listen to (especially if you are the youngest) So, my first music influences ranged from everything to Loretta Lynn to Elvis to Glenn Miller to Black Sabbath. Quite the combination, don't you think? When I was really young I tended to just listen to what my mom listened to. (country..ok, not my proudest moment) As I got older, my brothers were more of an influence..hense the Black Sabbath shout out. As a teenager (it was the 80's) I was a mix between POP with a bit of what was considered 'alternative' (at least in my tiny hick high school) mixed in.
I mean, 'Warrant' and 'New Kids on the Block' were what was being force fed to kids when I was younger and well....Bleck! There were a few bright spots..I had a friend that went to school in Ann Arbor (where there was truely a much more diverse population) and she taught me all about Depeche Mode and The Smiths...but other than that, I didn't really have any specific type of music that I listened to. A little Madonna... a little Wham! (hell yeah) a little Led Zeppelin.
Fast forward to 1991. I am driving home from god knows where..I am trying to find SOMETHING on the radio that doesn't make me wanna hurl...when all of a sudden, what do I hear but: "I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does..." OMG The Smiths..on the radio!! Holy Crap! I am not sure exactly what songs were played directly after this but, I don't think I changed the station in the preceeding 7 years I lived in Michigan. It was 89X and to this day thank god I found that station. They played Robyn Hitchcock, Sloan, Billy Bragg, Screaming Trees, The Pixies....all sorts of fun stuff!
Then came 'Grunge.' You can probably tell from what I have written so far, I was never really into ROCK...at least any contemporary rock...I never understood Guns and Roses...I mean I am all about being pissed off but I guess I never understood what Axl was so pissed ABOUT. Then, I remember hearing 'Alice in Chains' and thinking..DAMN! It sounded angry and gritty and I loved it. Come to think of it, I don't really understand what Layne was pissed off about either, but somehow it clicked anyway. For the next few years I was pretty content with what was happening in the world of music...but like all good things, it must come to an end. DAMN you, Limp Bizkit and damn you Blink 182!!! Just look at what you have done!! Music went back to it's slick, polished, corporate self. Don't get me wrong..I am not trying to revive the grunge thing. It was fun while it lasted but let's not beat a dead horse. I don't want to be seeing any "Monsters of GRUNGE' concert tours.
I am now back to not knowing quite where I fit in the world of music genres. Rock? Kinda. Pop? Kinda, but not so much. Hip Hop? Not exactly. I get the feeling that a lot of people in their 30's are feeling the same thing. To me, this is explaining the popularity of Kazaa and Morpheus. People are getting sick of the processed cheese that the music industry is spewing at us. Once every decade or so, all the music becomes so alike that it just boils over and starts again...from scratch. Nirvana was the last time that happened I think. So, hopefully it's happening again as we speak. The White Stripes maybe?? The Strokes??......
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| Quote of the day! |
| 04.03.04 (12:01 pm) [edit] |
In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that he did not also limit his stupidity.
-- Konrad Adenauer
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| AF needs to be bitchslapped! |
| 04.02.04 (10:05 am) [edit] |
Ok..dammit...she is always here non-stop when I don't want her to be here, and now that I have some testing to do once she shows...she is taking her sweet god damn time. CD 30 and she is no where in sight.
To tell you the truth, I am a little frightened about what this bloodwork may show. I think it's been 6-7 months since I have actually Oed and my cycles have been so wacky, that I am scared they are going to find something bad. The way life has been lately, I am almost positive it won't be good news. I mean what the hell..pile it on...I can take it.
If the dr want to do clomid again, I just can't be responsible for the consequences. I am in super bitch pissy girl mode as it is. I think they need to change the old saying..it needs to read "Hell hath no fury as a woman on clomid" Mmhmm.
Oh and to add to the fun....it looks like we are going to go through another weekend not knowing about the damn house loan too. I can't believe this crap is taking so long. BLEH!
I will try to add something positive here though. Not too much makes me happy like buying new make-up...and that's just what I did yesterday. I think I need to get a job testing out new cosmetics. I would LOVE it!! That or maybe vacuums...either one.
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| Another Reminder |
| 03.30.04 (4:17 pm) [edit] |
Dammit!! The vet sent us a sympathy card in the mail..as soon as I saw the return address I almost hit the pavement crying. I am just glad that there were no neighbors around.
I hate this! I hate it! I hate it!!
The idea of getting used to life without my kitty is almost worse than anything. I don't want to forget him. I don't want to move on. I just want him back dammit!
I just want to crawl in a hole and sleep for a year.
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| Floors |
| 03.29.04 (7:20 pm) [edit] |
Ok..what is the deal with floors?? Is it just me (and it may well be) or when you are upset or ill..do you just want to sprawl out on the floor. Not the bed...not the couch..nope..the floor. No where else seems to be as comforting as the floor. It doesn't matter if it's carpeted or tile...or hard wood...any ol' floor will do.
I always assumed that I was the only one who felt this way about floors but after talking to a friend on the phone this evening, it was brought to our attention that somehow floors went along with some sort of quandry in ones life.
Hungover...floor
Flu..floor
crying your eyes out....floor
One of lifes mysteries I guess.
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| Bare with me... |
| 03.27.04 (10:08 am) [edit] |
Anyone reading this...I am sorry but for now and I can't predict how much into the future this blog is probably going to be more or less about one thing and one thing only. Me whining and missing my Calli.
I feel so damn lost. It seems like every waking moment my mind is focused on Cal. I keep wanting to get up to see what he is doing and that he isn't getting in any trouble. I keep wanting to get up to make sure he is eating..to make sure he hasn't had any 'accidents' anywhere. To make sure certain doors in the house are closed so he can't get into things. To just plain see if he needs attention. (Which he invariably did)
I keep seeing all of the little spots in the house where he would sleep or just chill out. I see where his food bowl used to be. Or even his litterbox and it's just too much to handle. Dan went through and cleaned all of his stuff out of sight before I even knew what was going on. I still can't decide if it would be worse to see these things or see that they are missing.
I want my baby back! (and I don't mean those damn Chilis ribs) :cry:
Oh, and one more thing. I am thinking of starting a petition to outlaw the month of March. Who is with me??
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| ~Calli~ |
| 03.26.04 (11:42 am) [edit] |
I was 13 years old. Both me and my brother, Mike wanted cats. It had been a while since my last kitty, Mollie had passed away and it was time to make the house turn into KittyVille again. We drove to Saline, where a family had put a FREE KITTENS ad in the paper. We walked in the door and there were probably 7 kittens galavating around the house, as kittens do. We both picked one that we liked and were about to walk out the door to take them home when I turned to make one last look around the place. In the doorway to the kitchen stood one more kitten that I hadn't seen before. He was all black with the face of a little angel. (Ok, I know ALL kittens have those faces) As soon as I saw him, I dropped the kitten I had in my hands and knew HE was the one that I was supposed to take home. And man, was I right. I named him Calli. (Calliope Priscilla...don't ask, it's a long story)
My late teen years were filled with both divorces and more divorces and deaths in my family. Not the best of times you could say...but we all survived. Calli was there through it all..making me smile with his brilliant green eyes and never ending affections.
Those people that say dogs are the loyal ones, never met Calli. He brought new meaning to the term "Mommas Boy." I think we got along so well because I have always been the type to need to maul the cats that I have (much to my previous cats chagrin) and he was the kind of cat that needed have 24 hour attention and love.
Now, things weren't always easy for Calli either. He went through 3 rounds of having 'crystals in the bladder' which is pretty painful and can be fatal. But each time he would be taken to the vet and go through the treatment and improve and get back to his old self. These vet visits were always preceeded by the vet telling me each time with wonder in his voice, how he had never seen a cat that was so easy and friendly to help. (I guess all those years of Calli being mauled helped the vet in the end)
When I was 20 I started seeing this guy named, Dan. Months later, me and my best friend Cara moved into a little house next to the house that Dan and his room mate, Doug were living in. After living there for a while we all decided to have a party. Lots of people showed up and there was lots of alcohol consumed. During this party, Doug having drank too much accidentally stepped on Callis tail..making him let out a huge howl. I went to check on Calli who had run into the bedroom...only to hear yelling a minute later. I go back out in the living room in time to see Dan trying to start a brawl with Doug...telling him, that he can't mess with Calli because he loves the little guy. (as you may have well guessed..Dan was pretty schnockered himself) After that, I honestly had to choice. I had to marry this guy. It was like it had been set in stone.
As mellow with people as Calli is...other cats..that has been a different story. A few years ago, I had a neighbor who I hung out with a lot. She had just gotten a kitten (now a few months old) and we decided to get Calli and Harley together for a play date. Well....it didn't go too well. Calli didn't seem to care one way or the other but I think he must give out some aura of superiority or something because poor Harley became so nervous, he ended up throwing up all over in my apartment. There had been another cat named "Mookie" that always tried to follow me home from the laundry room...so one day I decided that I would let Mookie walk in the door with me and see what happened. Now Mookie probably outweighted Calli by a good 6-7 lbs. which is a lot for a cat. Mookie took one look at Calli sitting on the couch and ran for the hills. This really leads me to believe that there is a hidden cat language or hierarchy that we all just don't know about yet.
When Dan would be working long hours...it was always fun to make up and sing songs for Calli. He seemed to like this, no matter how terrible I sung. When you would sit down on the couch, or where ever, Calli had this habit or trying to stick his head between you and the couch..somehow he thought that if only he could get under you, he would be all warm and comfy. I guess he didn't understand the fact that he would also be crushed. I still don't understand what THAT was all about. Tiff and Calli. Calli and Tiff. You can't think of one without the other. Ever since I got Calli...vacation for me have been hell. I hated leaving him for any reason. When I would have to sleep somewhere other than home, I would have to put a pillow over my legs so I could tell myself that Calli was there.
The past few years, I think have been the hardest. Dealing with moving away from friends and family, 2 miscarraiges and subsequent infertility. All of the nights that I would be upset and sit crying..just seeing little Cals face would always put a smile on mine. Through it all, I knew, even if I never had my own biological child, that I would always have Mr. Calli. And I do, and will always have my Calli. Last November, Calli was diagnosed with cancer and these past few months have been the worst. Now that it is over though, I have to say I will even miss having to wake up multiple times in the night to either feed him or just to make sure he was ok and comfortable. I will just try to take solace in the 18 kittyrific years that we had together. As hard we they were at times, it was always bareable because Calli was there.
I LOVE YOU MUNKIN!!
Calliope Priscilla
11-19-85/03-26-04
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| Tiffannis Top 5... |
| 03.25.04 (7:59 am) [edit] |
Reasons Why Tiff needs to be a mother....
5. It will be fun to see the looks on peoples faces when they see someone who they think is 14 walking around with a kid...and I can say "What the hell are you looking at?
4. If I can take care of an ailing elderly kitty that bleeds all over every night and I have to do laundry multiple times a day and not even feel that it's a hassle...I think I can handle a baby. And to those women out there that are going to say that it's not even in the same category...screw you. Enough said.
3. I know that TV is NOT a babysitter. What is even the point of having a kid if you are going to plop then in front of the TV 24/7? Ever hear of hide and seek or tag? That's what kids are for....not for decoration.
2. By the time you are 3 you will know more about music than Matt Pinfield.
1. By the time you will be 10, we can share clothes!
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| Yet MORE BS |
| 03.22.04 (5:37 pm) [edit] |
I don't know if it's dealing with all of the house buying stuff, or what but this past week has not been good. I have been telling myself that it's just stress but I am beginning to wonder. This past week, it seems that the only thing I can get down my throat is PB&J...I don't even like PB&J's that much. :? It's totally out of character for me to not eat and to not be hungry. Even when depressed, I tend to drown my sorrows in food. So what the hell is going on?? Dan has even brought this up, and that is what freaks me out. As long as it's something that I am just noticing, I can tell myself it's all in my head, but when someone else notices something, it freaks me out. I am still waking up with the god awful headaches but they are leaving as soon as I get that first cup of coffee down. I haven't felt BAD enough for it to be a virus or flu or anything. I suppose it will probably just one of the 'passing' things.
I even went out and got some ginger ale to try to settle things. (to no avail) Why don't more stores carry 'Vernors' anyway? It's much better than Canada Dry. BLEH!
Oh..and another thing that is out of the ordinary for me. I don't think I have turned on my stereo or listened to any music in the past 5-6 days either. I think maybe Armageddon is on it's way!
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| Ring Ring..why don't you give me a call.... |
| 03.21.04 (7:56 am) [edit] |
You know that Abba song?? Well, I would like to dedicate it to our realtor. She DID call twice yesterday but it was only to let us know that she hadn't heard anything about if our offer was accepted or not..so we are still waiting and pacing and waiting and nail biting..and waiting. It's been a long weekend and I still have all day today to go yet.
The good news??? Dan is back on nights so that means while I am at work all day today, he will be here with Calli so I don't have to worry myself silly all day today wondering how Cal is doing all alone. You have NO idea how much of a relief that is!
Ok..on to other things. Do you ever get those odd surprise phone calls from old friends that you haven't heard from in forever?? I have this friend, who I have known since like 9th grade...she moved to MN after graduation but every once in a while, we will email or whatever but we only talk on the phone like once every 2-3 years. So..she has called twice in the past month..it's not that I mind..it's just kind of odd. She doesn't sound like there anything in particular that she needs to talk about. Maybe she is just bored, I don't know. When you get a call from someone you don't hear from that often there is always a bit of awkwardness too. I hate that. THEN there are those people that you might not hear from for a while but when you do, you don't miss a beat with. It's like you have been talking every day still. I know, I know..this isn't making much sense, but give me a break, I just woke up..these are just the random dumb thoughts going through my head right now.
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| Insomnia: Evil Doer! |
| 03.19.04 (7:39 am) [edit] |
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Let's face it, there are a lot of physical ailments out there. But I think insomnia may have to be right up there on the 'sucky' side of this list. Why can't I be dealing with a 'fun' problem like...OMG..why am I losing all of this weight?? OMG, how did I grow 6 inches overnight?? OMG...why is all of this money coming out of my ass?! (THAT one would be interesting, wouldn't it folks?) Nope, I get all the fun stuff like, infertility, insomnia & headaches! :? Oh and who thought of the idea of counting sheep?? Where the hell did that idea come from...because I don't get it. I see those sheep running to jump over that fence and it just makes me more tense..I just know they are going to trip and hurt themselves and then I will end up having to pay a huge ass vet bill for these non-existant sheep. :roll:
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| Bad Karma, or just Plain old Bad Luck?! |
| 03.16.04 (7:42 am) [edit] |
SOOOO...the HSG sucked. Painful as hell. All I kept thinking during the whole thing was that I needed to squeeze the life out of someones hand. The balloon popped so it had to be done TWICE! :shock: Damn, I am special, huh? The left tube was totally blocked...I got nothing! The right tube looked ok I guess but I still have to make the drs appt. to go in and see what he says about this all. At least it explains all of the pain that has been going on on that side. I still don't get how I can have a clear HSG a year and a half ago...no pregnancies since then and now THIS. The more testing I have done, the more I really really think I am just a huge damn freak of nature. THEN to top it all off. I got up from the table when the precedure was done and of course I had blood every-fucking-where! Luckily that didn't last long or I would not have been responsible for what happened next.
Now to the extra fun stuff. We are trying to buy our condo, right? Well, we were all set to put an offer on it yesterday but just hours beforehand we get a call from our landlady and she has decided NOT to sell this place. Instead, she is moving in herself. SO now we have 60 days to get the hell outta dodge. WTF?! This lady changes her mind more than anyone I have ever met! It makes my god damn head spin! So, now we are looking at a few other places but they are going so fast around here it's ridiculous. One condo went on the market sunday and was sold by monday! So good luck to us! I have the sinking feeling that we will be renters again!
I promise, anyone who is reading this.....I will have a happy entry here eventually! I swear!
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| Commercials! |
| 03.08.04 (10:29 pm) [edit] |
If I fucking see another god damn ad for erectile disfunction or penis enlargement I swear to god, someone is going to pay!!! I cannot believe that there are people who have probably fucking spent their lifes work trying to find a 'cure' for these so called problems (I am sure their parents must be proud).....you know, there AREN'T any bigger issues facing the world or anything. Aids??? Cancer?? Screw em...A man MUST be able to get it up! :x :x :x :x :x God Damn God Damn!!
Can you imagine the conversation at dinner parties when they try to explain to strangers what they do for a living?
"And what do you do for a living?"
"I am a chemist."
"Oh wow! You must have had a lot of schooling. And what you are working on right now?"
"A boner pill." :?
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| Overwhelmed! |
| 03.08.04 (5:47 pm) [edit] |
An upcoming HSG...possibly buying a house...a huge 3 hour house inspection this Saturday....a terminally ill cat...and a constant headache.
Calgon, take me away!!!! :x
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