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| Another Reminder |
| 03.30.04 (4:17 pm) [edit] |
Dammit!! The vet sent us a sympathy card in the mail..as soon as I saw the return address I almost hit the pavement crying. I am just glad that there were no neighbors around.
I hate this! I hate it! I hate it!!
The idea of getting used to life without my kitty is almost worse than anything. I don't want to forget him. I don't want to move on. I just want him back dammit!
I just want to crawl in a hole and sleep for a year.
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| Floors |
| 03.29.04 (7:20 pm) [edit] |
Ok..what is the deal with floors?? Is it just me (and it may well be) or when you are upset or ill..do you just want to sprawl out on the floor. Not the bed...not the couch..nope..the floor. No where else seems to be as comforting as the floor. It doesn't matter if it's carpeted or tile...or hard wood...any ol' floor will do.
I always assumed that I was the only one who felt this way about floors but after talking to a friend on the phone this evening, it was brought to our attention that somehow floors went along with some sort of quandry in ones life.
Hungover...floor
Flu..floor
crying your eyes out....floor
One of lifes mysteries I guess.
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| Bare with me... |
| 03.27.04 (10:08 am) [edit] |
Anyone reading this...I am sorry but for now and I can't predict how much into the future this blog is probably going to be more or less about one thing and one thing only. Me whining and missing my Calli.
I feel so damn lost. It seems like every waking moment my mind is focused on Cal. I keep wanting to get up to see what he is doing and that he isn't getting in any trouble. I keep wanting to get up to make sure he is eating..to make sure he hasn't had any 'accidents' anywhere. To make sure certain doors in the house are closed so he can't get into things. To just plain see if he needs attention. (Which he invariably did)
I keep seeing all of the little spots in the house where he would sleep or just chill out. I see where his food bowl used to be. Or even his litterbox and it's just too much to handle. Dan went through and cleaned all of his stuff out of sight before I even knew what was going on. I still can't decide if it would be worse to see these things or see that they are missing.
I want my baby back! (and I don't mean those damn Chilis ribs) :cry:
Oh, and one more thing. I am thinking of starting a petition to outlaw the month of March. Who is with me??
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| ~Calli~ |
| 03.26.04 (11:42 am) [edit] |
I was 13 years old. Both me and my brother, Mike wanted cats. It had been a while since my last kitty, Mollie had passed away and it was time to make the house turn into KittyVille again. We drove to Saline, where a family had put a FREE KITTENS ad in the paper. We walked in the door and there were probably 7 kittens galavating around the house, as kittens do. We both picked one that we liked and were about to walk out the door to take them home when I turned to make one last look around the place. In the doorway to the kitchen stood one more kitten that I hadn't seen before. He was all black with the face of a little angel. (Ok, I know ALL kittens have those faces) As soon as I saw him, I dropped the kitten I had in my hands and knew HE was the one that I was supposed to take home. And man, was I right. I named him Calli. (Calliope Priscilla...don't ask, it's a long story)
My late teen years were filled with both divorces and more divorces and deaths in my family. Not the best of times you could say...but we all survived. Calli was there through it all..making me smile with his brilliant green eyes and never ending affections.
Those people that say dogs are the loyal ones, never met Calli. He brought new meaning to the term "Mommas Boy." I think we got along so well because I have always been the type to need to maul the cats that I have (much to my previous cats chagrin) and he was the kind of cat that needed have 24 hour attention and love.
Now, things weren't always easy for Calli either. He went through 3 rounds of having 'crystals in the bladder' which is pretty painful and can be fatal. But each time he would be taken to the vet and go through the treatment and improve and get back to his old self. These vet visits were always preceeded by the vet telling me each time with wonder in his voice, how he had never seen a cat that was so easy and friendly to help. (I guess all those years of Calli being mauled helped the vet in the end)
When I was 20 I started seeing this guy named, Dan. Months later, me and my best friend Cara moved into a little house next to the house that Dan and his room mate, Doug were living in. After living there for a while we all decided to have a party. Lots of people showed up and there was lots of alcohol consumed. During this party, Doug having drank too much accidentally stepped on Callis tail..making him let out a huge howl. I went to check on Calli who had run into the bedroom...only to hear yelling a minute later. I go back out in the living room in time to see Dan trying to start a brawl with Doug...telling him, that he can't mess with Calli because he loves the little guy. (as you may have well guessed..Dan was pretty schnockered himself) After that, I honestly had to choice. I had to marry this guy. It was like it had been set in stone.
As mellow with people as Calli is...other cats..that has been a different story. A few years ago, I had a neighbor who I hung out with a lot. She had just gotten a kitten (now a few months old) and we decided to get Calli and Harley together for a play date. Well....it didn't go too well. Calli didn't seem to care one way or the other but I think he must give out some aura of superiority or something because poor Harley became so nervous, he ended up throwing up all over in my apartment. There had been another cat named "Mookie" that always tried to follow me home from the laundry room...so one day I decided that I would let Mookie walk in the door with me and see what happened. Now Mookie probably outweighted Calli by a good 6-7 lbs. which is a lot for a cat. Mookie took one look at Calli sitting on the couch and ran for the hills. This really leads me to believe that there is a hidden cat language or hierarchy that we all just don't know about yet.
When Dan would be working long hours...it was always fun to make up and sing songs for Calli. He seemed to like this, no matter how terrible I sung. When you would sit down on the couch, or where ever, Calli had this habit or trying to stick his head between you and the couch..somehow he thought that if only he could get under you, he would be all warm and comfy. I guess he didn't understand the fact that he would also be crushed. I still don't understand what THAT was all about. Tiff and Calli. Calli and Tiff. You can't think of one without the other. Ever since I got Calli...vacation for me have been hell. I hated leaving him for any reason. When I would have to sleep somewhere other than home, I would have to put a pillow over my legs so I could tell myself that Calli was there.
The past few years, I think have been the hardest. Dealing with moving away from friends and family, 2 miscarraiges and subsequent infertility. All of the nights that I would be upset and sit crying..just seeing little Cals face would always put a smile on mine. Through it all, I knew, even if I never had my own biological child, that I would always have Mr. Calli. And I do, and will always have my Calli. Last November, Calli was diagnosed with cancer and these past few months have been the worst. Now that it is over though, I have to say I will even miss having to wake up multiple times in the night to either feed him or just to make sure he was ok and comfortable. I will just try to take solace in the 18 kittyrific years that we had together. As hard we they were at times, it was always bareable because Calli was there.
I LOVE YOU MUNKIN!!
Calliope Priscilla
11-19-85/03-26-04
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| Tiffannis Top 5... |
| 03.25.04 (7:59 am) [edit] |
Reasons Why Tiff needs to be a mother....
5. It will be fun to see the looks on peoples faces when they see someone who they think is 14 walking around with a kid...and I can say "What the hell are you looking at?
4. If I can take care of an ailing elderly kitty that bleeds all over every night and I have to do laundry multiple times a day and not even feel that it's a hassle...I think I can handle a baby. And to those women out there that are going to say that it's not even in the same category...screw you. Enough said.
3. I know that TV is NOT a babysitter. What is even the point of having a kid if you are going to plop then in front of the TV 24/7? Ever hear of hide and seek or tag? That's what kids are for....not for decoration.
2. By the time you are 3 you will know more about music than Matt Pinfield.
1. By the time you will be 10, we can share clothes!
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| Yet MORE BS |
| 03.22.04 (5:37 pm) [edit] |
I don't know if it's dealing with all of the house buying stuff, or what but this past week has not been good. I have been telling myself that it's just stress but I am beginning to wonder. This past week, it seems that the only thing I can get down my throat is PB&J...I don't even like PB&J's that much. :? It's totally out of character for me to not eat and to not be hungry. Even when depressed, I tend to drown my sorrows in food. So what the hell is going on?? Dan has even brought this up, and that is what freaks me out. As long as it's something that I am just noticing, I can tell myself it's all in my head, but when someone else notices something, it freaks me out. I am still waking up with the god awful headaches but they are leaving as soon as I get that first cup of coffee down. I haven't felt BAD enough for it to be a virus or flu or anything. I suppose it will probably just one of the 'passing' things.
I even went out and got some ginger ale to try to settle things. (to no avail) Why don't more stores carry 'Vernors' anyway? It's much better than Canada Dry. BLEH!
Oh..and another thing that is out of the ordinary for me. I don't think I have turned on my stereo or listened to any music in the past 5-6 days either. I think maybe Armageddon is on it's way!
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| Ring Ring..why don't you give me a call.... |
| 03.21.04 (7:56 am) [edit] |
You know that Abba song?? Well, I would like to dedicate it to our realtor. She DID call twice yesterday but it was only to let us know that she hadn't heard anything about if our offer was accepted or not..so we are still waiting and pacing and waiting and nail biting..and waiting. It's been a long weekend and I still have all day today to go yet.
The good news??? Dan is back on nights so that means while I am at work all day today, he will be here with Calli so I don't have to worry myself silly all day today wondering how Cal is doing all alone. You have NO idea how much of a relief that is!
Ok..on to other things. Do you ever get those odd surprise phone calls from old friends that you haven't heard from in forever?? I have this friend, who I have known since like 9th grade...she moved to MN after graduation but every once in a while, we will email or whatever but we only talk on the phone like once every 2-3 years. So..she has called twice in the past month..it's not that I mind..it's just kind of odd. She doesn't sound like there anything in particular that she needs to talk about. Maybe she is just bored, I don't know. When you get a call from someone you don't hear from that often there is always a bit of awkwardness too. I hate that. THEN there are those people that you might not hear from for a while but when you do, you don't miss a beat with. It's like you have been talking every day still. I know, I know..this isn't making much sense, but give me a break, I just woke up..these are just the random dumb thoughts going through my head right now.
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| Insomnia: Evil Doer! |
| 03.19.04 (7:39 am) [edit] |
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Let's face it, there are a lot of physical ailments out there. But I think insomnia may have to be right up there on the 'sucky' side of this list. Why can't I be dealing with a 'fun' problem like...OMG..why am I losing all of this weight?? OMG, how did I grow 6 inches overnight?? OMG...why is all of this money coming out of my ass?! (THAT one would be interesting, wouldn't it folks?) Nope, I get all the fun stuff like, infertility, insomnia & headaches! :? Oh and who thought of the idea of counting sheep?? Where the hell did that idea come from...because I don't get it. I see those sheep running to jump over that fence and it just makes me more tense..I just know they are going to trip and hurt themselves and then I will end up having to pay a huge ass vet bill for these non-existant sheep. :roll:
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| Bad Karma, or just Plain old Bad Luck?! |
| 03.16.04 (7:42 am) [edit] |
SOOOO...the HSG sucked. Painful as hell. All I kept thinking during the whole thing was that I needed to squeeze the life out of someones hand. The balloon popped so it had to be done TWICE! :shock: Damn, I am special, huh? The left tube was totally blocked...I got nothing! The right tube looked ok I guess but I still have to make the drs appt. to go in and see what he says about this all. At least it explains all of the pain that has been going on on that side. I still don't get how I can have a clear HSG a year and a half ago...no pregnancies since then and now THIS. The more testing I have done, the more I really really think I am just a huge damn freak of nature. THEN to top it all off. I got up from the table when the precedure was done and of course I had blood every-fucking-where! Luckily that didn't last long or I would not have been responsible for what happened next.
Now to the extra fun stuff. We are trying to buy our condo, right? Well, we were all set to put an offer on it yesterday but just hours beforehand we get a call from our landlady and she has decided NOT to sell this place. Instead, she is moving in herself. SO now we have 60 days to get the hell outta dodge. WTF?! This lady changes her mind more than anyone I have ever met! It makes my god damn head spin! So, now we are looking at a few other places but they are going so fast around here it's ridiculous. One condo went on the market sunday and was sold by monday! So good luck to us! I have the sinking feeling that we will be renters again!
I promise, anyone who is reading this.....I will have a happy entry here eventually! I swear!
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| Commercials! |
| 03.08.04 (10:29 pm) [edit] |
If I fucking see another god damn ad for erectile disfunction or penis enlargement I swear to god, someone is going to pay!!! I cannot believe that there are people who have probably fucking spent their lifes work trying to find a 'cure' for these so called problems (I am sure their parents must be proud).....you know, there AREN'T any bigger issues facing the world or anything. Aids??? Cancer?? Screw em...A man MUST be able to get it up! :x :x :x :x :x God Damn God Damn!!
Can you imagine the conversation at dinner parties when they try to explain to strangers what they do for a living?
"And what do you do for a living?"
"I am a chemist."
"Oh wow! You must have had a lot of schooling. And what you are working on right now?"
"A boner pill." :?
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| Overwhelmed! |
| 03.08.04 (5:47 pm) [edit] |
An upcoming HSG...possibly buying a house...a huge 3 hour house inspection this Saturday....a terminally ill cat...and a constant headache.
Calgon, take me away!!!! :x
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| To be pissed or not to be pissed...that is the question! |
| 03.06.04 (11:08 am) [edit] |
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So, at work yesterday there seemed to be a plethora of women coming in with their little girls (all of whom were barely even at the talking age...the babies, not the mothers hehe) and the whole time they were in the store, they kept carrying on these silly conversations (one sided as they sometimes were) with their little ones. I honestly couldn't decide if I should be upset or not. On one hand..it was nice to actually see mothers who honestly seemed to be enjoying spending time with their kids....but the infertile side of me kept sneaking up and telling me they were just in the store to rub my nose in it. :roll: Ha....these are conversations YOU will never be having..just so you know. This is what my brain kept telling me. Why do we play evil little games like that on ourselves?
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| What is going on? |
| 03.05.04 (10:37 am) [edit] |
Ok..I seriously don't understand what is going on. Isn't it enough that I got AF while in the middle of taking BCP's??? Apparently someone out there thinks I am Superwoman because along with af came the searing burning, atom bomb of cramps. The only way I can think of to describe the pain is feeling like a grenade went off in my ute!! :shock: Ha..not only that but I called the drs office to see what I should do about the upcoming HSG and he is on vacation! :roll: A dr that is in the same office did call to talk to me this morning though and said she would call in an Rx for Celebrex...she said that they have been having a lot of succees treating cramps with arthritis meds. Who knew? Hopefully it will do the trick.
Anyway..onto better news. We talked to the realtor last night and she showed us a few other places in our price range and we are still thinking that where we are is where we want to be. The other places were nice but they felt like apartments where as this place is more homey feeling. We still have a lot of things to think about but it's looking more and more like this may be our permanent address. I think we are both still in shock that we got approved for a home loan so easily. I guess we are a lot better off than we thought we were. I still think someone just needs to DONATE a nice house to us. We have been good people...we deserve it. How about a nice one right on the beach??? Yeah...that's the ticket.
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| Karma...kiss my big ol' white ass!! |
| 03.01.04 (2:12 pm) [edit] |
Ok..if there is such a thing as bad karma, we definitely have it. I just can't imagine another reason why we get dealt these shitty hands.
We had 2 miscarriages...ok..we are dealing.
We have been dealing with infertility for almost 3 years now. Coping.
My cat that I love more than anything has cancer and is steadily getting worse. Ok..maybe I am NOT coping on this end but I am still getting up every morning.
Now...that would be enough to deal with at one time you would think....RIGHT???!!!! WRONG!
We got a phone call last night from our landlady and she has decided that she needs to sell this place. So that means we have to move out and look for another place. You would think that moving 7 times in the past 7/8 years was enough too but apparently not. :x We are THINKING about actually buying this place but I honestly can't see spending over 300 grand on a fucking condo. :shock: I have already taken a little drive to check out a few places that are listed and so far they all look like ass. :?
Why is it that everyone else in both of our families has had their perfect lives handed to them on a god damn platter while we have to fight for every little scrap??? Is this how our whole lives are going to be????
We can't have a kid. We have have a house. I guess I will just sit here and wait for the other shoe to drop!
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